Guidelines For Dealing with Difficult Parents

From the Loch Raven High School (Md.) Athletic Department

___NEVER meet with an irate or concerned parent immediately after a contest.

___ALWAYS suggest that the parent call and set up a mutually convenient meeting.

___Prepare for this meeting by trying to determine what the parent's concern is about and gather all of the necessary information (statistics) needed for the meeting (in other words, get your "Ducks in a row").

___Invite the athletic director to sit in on the meeting as a third party. He can serve to mediate, provide counsel and to help clarify positions.

___Listen to the parent's complaint or concern. Venting by the parent is any important first step.

___Do NOT allow parents to yell at you, to be rude, obnoxious or to use foul language. Explain that this is totally unacceptable and that while you are more than willing to meet with them, they need to conduct themselves in a calm and civil manner.

___Do NOT sink to their level. As difficult as it may be, maintain your poise and professionalism.

___While listening to the parent's concern, do not interrupt. Make mental notes and save your comments.

___Try to find some common ground and make your comments as positively as possible.

___Avoid making generalizations concerning the parent's motivation, attitude or character.

___Do not use extreme statements such as, "You never ...," or "You always ..."

___Try to stay away from unhelpful and diversionary statements over "facts." Focus instead upon, "It seems to me ...," or "As I recall ..."

___While you should be straightforward and honest, do not explain any more than necessary. Often a parent is looking for some small opening to gain a hold in order to build their case or to attack.

___Always thank the parent for expressing his or her point of view.

___Try ending the meeting or conversation with, "I'll take this conversation into consideration." While this statement does not mean any guaranteed action other than thinking about what was discussed, it does provide the parent with the feeling that he or she has accomplished his or her goal. In this manner, everyone comes out feeling that they have won.